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| Friday, 3/18/05 @ 7:56 pm] |
Wow. Today has been so hard for me. It's like I'm living a different life, without you. I guess you should be happy though, you've gotten what you want. I hope things go well for you ahead, and everything you wanted out of this, happens. I know this is a "break" and we need some time to get our lives straightened out so we can be happy with each other.. (this is what you think). But, to me life was grand, atleast I had you to go through my hard times with. It's hard to tell you how I feel, because I can't think of words to express my thoughts, and then when I do, it's always too late. I screw it up by saying the wrong thing..or I just don't say anything at all. I do love you.. and I always will. It's funny. You're off at a concert (seeing one of my favorite bands) having the time of your life, you're at the same concert that we were just talking about the other day. How WE'D like to go. Why does life always have to work out differently than you imagined? I guess because if it always went the way you wanted it to, things would get boring and you'd always know what to expect, and suprising moments could never actually take your breath away. After all, "Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away."
I can't help but think at times that what you want.. this break.. is selfish. I mean I know we both need to work our own problems out, but why can't we work them out together? I don't know, you're right, maybe I will never change, but me being insecure, being a procratonator, worrying about the past, that's all apart of me. And when you love someone, you accept them for their faults.. As I accept you for yours. I know that I am not perfect, I am FAR from it, and alot of what we have been through is due to me, but I have to know that if this relationship fails, it's not my fault.. it's no ones, because I wan't to know that we both gave it our best..
Even if things don't work out, quite the way we want it to, I do want you to know, that through everything, this has been the greatest experience of my life. I have learned so many things, and overcome so many hardships. I am a stronger person, because of you. I have loved, and I know what it feels like to be loved. You are a very special person, free-spirited, smart, amazing, and everything that I'm sure any girl would die for. Thank you for giving me the chance to experience a relationship as wonderful as this. Even though we've faught, and gotten angry and said things we didn't mean, I have always loved you. And that's something that will never change.
One week without you is like one moment without air, like one day without food and a week without water.
One week without you is like a month without sunshine or shelter.
One week without your voice is like a year absent the sound of music, or of birds, or of rain and thunder.
One week without your comfort is a week without sleep, for my heart knows no rest, and my nights give no peace.
One week without your love, and my days are empty of beauty; though I see about me everywhere others whom are called beautiful, none of them compare with your visage as I gaze at your photo.
One week without speaking with you is like years alone in the wilderness or a deserted island; though I may talk with people on the streets, my soul has no communion.
One week without you is like a year in a prison; though I may come and go as I please, my soul knows no freedom.
One week without you in my life is like no life at all!
"If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've travelled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me
Like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you
And I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are.
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
You can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you'll wait for me
Say you'll hold a place for me in your heart."
- Tracy Chapman
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visualistic's journal
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